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If I got a dollar every time someone blamed me for being ‘negative’ I’d have well over a million dollars. I think people don’t quite understand how mental illness work.
Ranting about that program, again.
When I started that useless program, Sally (the counselor) told me if I got hired I’d have to wait a month for a check. I got upset and she pulled the negativity card. Try telling a mother who really needs a job to feed her kid and keep her lights on, that she was to work for free for a month that she is being negative when you just told someone they have to work for free for a month.
I had a reason to be upset. No one has time to work for free. Let’s pretend I really needed a job to pay bills and I have to work for free before getting a check. I have to sit in the dark (literally because I have no money to pay the light bill) and starve for a month? Let’s say I had money saved up but it was only enough to buy food and cover bills for the first 2 weeks.
Depressed brains see differently than Neurotypical brains
Do you understand? My depressed brain didn’t see anything good about working for free for a month. The depression brain doesn’t see the same thing as an NT brain. The counselor said it wasn’t working for free. Uh. If the first pay cycle everyone is getting their checks and I get nothing. It IS working for free. If I am not receiving a check it is basically working for free. I dare this lady to tell her hairstylist that she can’t pay them. They just did her hair for free. That’s how I felt. I imagined seeing everyone getting their checks at the pay cycle while I get nothing.
Even if I didn’t go through this program, let’s pretend I got an interview and they told me there.
Here is why I disagree with jobs holding your first paycheck
My mom said most jobs hold your first check so you can collect it if you quit or get fired. I find that pretty dumb. Instead of making them work for free for a month, why not make the next pay cycle their final check if they resign or get fired?
This only benefits privileged people. Not everyone has a family that can fund them. Sometimes getting a job is expensive. If you drive, you need gas money. If you take the bus, you need bus money. Depending on where you are working, you need to pay for parking. If you take public transit that can be 6 dollars a day or more. If It’s gonna cost me just to get to work, I would not have time to go for a month with no money.
Holding your check for a month seems to only benefit people who have friends or family that can pay for their parking, give them money for the bus or pick them up/drop them off to/from work.
Imagine having to decline a job because they will hold your check and you can’t afford to go a month without any money.
If someone doesn’t have that they will have to pass up the job because no one can offer them money for what they need for a month vs the first 2 weeks.
My mom doesn’t understand the ‘negativity’ is from a chemical imbalance
My mom has been grilling me for being a negative Nancy because the pandemic has made me depressed. How can I be positive when death is around every corner? People really need to understand how depression brains work. Death can be triggering to a suicidal person or someone that has lost friends or family before the pandemic. Really anyone. Do you know the rain cloud that is over a person who is sad in the cartoons? That is a depressed brain. It’s a chemical imbalance I have zero control over. I just hate how people think you can flip it like a switch. I hate how my mom thinks I can flip a switch and just be positive.
It’s not their fault they are negative. My mom thinks I do it for the hell of it when I am not. It’s like every word that I utter is negative to my mom and I just give up trying to come out about my depression tanking. I’ve felt like sleeping through 2020 because I honestly see no point. MAYBE if we can get a president who can lead, maybe 2021 won’t be a shit show.
The big difference between clinical depression and being sad. The first one is all the time not when it is convenient.
My mom says she has the same thing. But why condemn me for it? Shouldn’t that give you an idea of my mental health?
On Steemit.com, a site where I tried being a full-time creator, a guy cherry-picked my post to fit what he wanted
On Steemit all I did was ask an innocent question when I asked people have their rewards decreased since smaller accounts were going to get their earnings cut. This guy saw it as ‘negativity’ like I am supposed to feel like rays of sunshine and rainbows because my rewards got cut and the larger accounts just got more money. Steemit had an update where if you made lower than 20 credits you get fewer rewards and if you get over 20 credits you get more. This guy expected me to just be happy about larger accounts getting more money. All I am saying is that the update should be the opposite, give the small accounts the raise because most likely their posts get crushed down due to the larger earning accounts. Therefore when someone is scrolling, a post will 40 credits will be seen first.
Sometimes you can have a valid reason to be upset or down about a situation and someone is expecting you to act like everything is sunshine and unicorns.
That’s how I felt.
Being upset about not getting paid is justified
Like I had a valid reason to be upset about the prospect of having to work for free for a month if I got a job. But Sally wanted me to jump for joy about working for free. If I had time, that is one thing.
There were things I needed that I did not have the time to work for free. I needed sanitary products for my monthly, my period won’t be like ‘I’m gonna skip this month because she can’t buy pads until next month’.
I needed stuff for my hair, to pay for my own hair when I get it done, food for events when we are low. An emergency won’t wait because I have to work for free before getting my check.
How was I supposed to get to work if I wasn’t getting a check for a damn month? Sally said they gave you a venture card. Let’s pretend I didn’t go through the program. No one has money to lend me to get to and from work for a month.
Maybe the first 2 weeks. So then what? Miss work because I can’t afford to get there? Understand? Holding a paycheck should be illegal (if it isn’t). That first check can be life or death for someone.
The first check helps people load their venture cards, save gas money, lunch money, etc.
My depression about the COVID epidemic is justified
The pandemic; I am not gonna act like it’s a fantasy world when people are dying because entitled Karen’s are whining about wearing a mask to keep folks safe. Masks won’t make you fireproof but they will keep you from passing the virus onto someone else if you have it. News flash, you can have it w/o knowing.
Some Karen’s are ASSAULTING (verbally and physically) retail workers who enforce the mask rule at their store. Who does that?! I think these workers should call the manager and make them escort Karen out of the store. If they refuse to leave, call the police.
Wait. Why are we calling the spoiled entitled people ‘Karen’s?’
Final thoughts
Anyways, there is nothing to be positive about people being so selfish they rather you die than make one small sacrifice. In another blog, I show how irate I was about my folks in AR packing in a church like crayons during the worst pandemic in pandemic history. No one had on a mask, no social distancing. Even though the orange baffoon chose to do nothing, still blame the Karen’s who think church, the bar, the club, crying about masks ‘infringing on their rights’ is more important than saving a life.
We could have been back to normal somewhat if people followed the rules. Also blame the people who won’t follow the rules.
My state shut down soon as the virus got major. People not following the rules made the case go back up.
Closing statement
It’s hard not to be quote on quote ‘negative’ during all of this. Even if it’s someone who doesn’t have chronic depression sometimes in the situation they have a valid reason. And I ( at least I felt so) that the situations I was slammed for being negative I had a valid reason.
The point. Stop making depressed people feel like it’s their fault. It’s not. They have a chemical imbalance.
I want people to understand, if it was that easy to just ‘be positive’ we would have done it a long time ago. We would not need medication, therapy and people would not kill themselves because of mental illness if ‘being positive’ was peaches and cream.
I want people to look through a different lens. Stop only focusing on their negativity and look at why they are seeing a negative side of the stick. Someone without depression would be upset if they had to work for free before getting a check, people dying in a pandemic when the ‘president’ was warned but he ignored it, and your friends/family faced the consequence or if they were going to make less money because larger paying people are favored.
Not everyone can be sunshine and rainbow happy like you! When you are depressed your brain is like a dark storm cloud. Instead of blaming us for our negativity, understand why.
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