I Don’t Want Kids And That’s OK

September 4, 2022

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I don’t want kids and that’s OK. This is a touchy subject. I’m been vocal about this for a while. I know for a fact that I do not want kids. Ever.

For starters as an autistic person, I struggle to navigate this world. How can I do that for a child when I can’t even do it for myself.?

What sparked me to make this Blog Post?

I met this dude at the eatery who turned out to be a creep. I talked about that here. To give you a short summary. He called me in the middle of the night with no warning adamant for me to answer my phone and call him. Despite telling him I do not like phone calls and texting is easier for me, he called me a second time. He also out of know where suggested that I come to his house instead. He was adamant that I would not go to his house.

Later he admits he wanted to sleep with me and have a kid with me. I tried getting him to come to his senses and he said he was “playing” about wanting to sleep with me but was serious about wanting kids. Didn’t come to me and ask me how I felt about it. I didn’t like how before he never came to me and asked me how I felt about getting laid and having kids. Don’t you find it sus that we aren’t even FRIENDS and he is ALREADY talking about kids? To me, we haven’t built a friendship yet and I see us as acquaintances.

I actually have to build a connection to potentially fall in love. This guy was immediately head over heels just by looking at me. Not even knowing me as a person. Bonus, I was wearing a mask so he couldn’t even see my face.

With my health conditions, pregnancy and kids are the LAST things I need.

my conditions

VD deficiency I’ve had some blood results show my VD is low
iron deficiency (the doctor has suspected at times that my iron could be low, a few blood tests showed my iron is low. Both of these have fatigue and sleepiness as a sign
IBS
Autism/ADHD/bipolar
Arthritis (developed from injuries I’ve obtained)
Vertigo
Sinuses
respiratory issues (weight can make this worse and you have to gain weight when carrying a child.)
anxiety
panic disorder (confirmed by a previous therapist I saw back in 2017)

I don’t know for a fact that barring a child would worsen these conditions, why take the chance? Also, I would not be up for it to take care of the child. Especially when brutal IBS flares cause me to stay in the bed.

You may be asking why am I creeped out that the guy was head over heels for me just by seeing me. I know there is love at first sight but I don’t believe in that. I believe in meeting the person, building a connection, and being friends, then once a connection is built and is strong enough, then lovers/potential lovers.

In the Sims, if you pick the lover lines when your relationship with the Sim is not high enough, it makes them feel weird and you see the minus sign after the convo. It was those moments, sorta.

When you rush a relationship it will fall apart.

My friend Sam, that’s what I will call him, met Kelly, what I will call the other friend, back in 2015. I think the spring of 2015, then the summer, maybe the fall, they were together. In 2016 they got engaged. So they were only together for a year. Then got married in 2017 and broke up sometime during COVID. I believe they rushed things. They were together for about a year when they got engaged. At least to me, a year is not long enough to keep a steady connection. At least leave yourself time to plan in case the relationship falls through and you have a plan B.

Another case

I contemplated stopping my monthly. I don’t want kids anyway. My mom asked me am I positive I don’t want kids. I said yes and she asked me why. I said a pregnancy would be physically and mentally draining. My IBS leaves me with little spoons. If I barely have the spoons to clean my bedroom, how can I have the spoons to take on a 9-month incubation period? My mom follows it with her pregnancy not being that bad. There is nothing wrong with stating that. At least, my mom could have followed it with “not everyone gets to have a walk in the park pregnancy so I understand.”

I said I am not fit to be a parent and she tells me not to say that. I am not fit. As I said, I can’t even understand this world around me and you think I can guild a child?!

I feel as though nothing I say will get my mom to understand

I said I didn’t want to and my mom says “what if you get married.” which brings me to that creep saying he wanted kids. I don’t. Not once did he ask me how I felt before deciding all of this. I’m the one that has to bare the child for 9 months and go through the issues that comes with it, not him. This is why I felt I should have had a say. And I say, he better find someone else who will give him kids because I am not having them, EVER. It’s going to be hard for him. Fewer people were having kids simply because jobs don’t have paid leave, daycare is too expensive, and people struggle to afford baby formula. Or health conditions that could complicate the pregnancy. Now with Roe vs Wade gone, the number of people having kids is really going to go down. So I wish him luck finding someone who wants kids. He’s gonna need it. Even if my state is pro-choice, still daycare being expensive, jobs not paying a living wage, and no paid leave.

Remember he said he met like 5 other people before me? I don’t have proof if the stunt he pulled with me was done on them as well. Let’s say he did do it and that’s why they bailed. They probably didn’t want kids. In general, it sus telling someone you’re barely friends with that you want kids with them. I think there were mixed signals. When he originally talked to me, I thought he just want to chat until my food was ready and nothing more.

It seemed like he was moving too fast talking about having kids when we barely knew each other for a month

I may adopt a child. Pregnancy will take a toll on my body.

I don’t understand the obsession with people having kids. Why are folks so concerned about a choice someone else is making?

I’d rather adopt a child than have biological kids. Not everyone wants to put their body through pregnancy and that’s OK. Not everyone can handle it. Not everyone wants to be a parent and that’s OK.

Surprise, my mom said she was doing a role call because the doctor will ask me these things. The point still stands, the fact that my reason for not wanting kids had to be “good enough” to get sterilized speaks volumes. I think it’s more about controlling folks, it’s not about babies. If if was about kids, we’d have affordable daycare, paid leave for parents, and jobs would pay a living wage so parents can afford to feed their kids.