My Disability Hearing Is Coming Up

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I have been trying to get disability for autism and mental health (and more) reasons since 2016/2017. After being denied 2 times, it’s time to fight the claim in court. I am just so worried my anxiety will cause me to mess it up. I am not good under pressure. On the other hand, the lawyer knows what judge I will get.

The main thing that hurt my case

I think the main thing that hurt me is when my old therapist left. This can be something to bring up in court if they ask. They will see a gap in my doctor’s visits. I was attending my appointments but the therapist never recorded it on the computer. She wrote me a letter excusing me from jury duty when I got the dreaded letter. Then after she left and I met the new therapist (before knowing he was garbage) this is when I found out my old doctor wasn’t putting the notes in the system and when I came to see her. I have a rant post about him.

Those notes could have helped me. I went to see her every 2 weeks. Say my old therapist had to send me to a mental hospital, that would be useful for the judge but because she left no notes there will be no proof. I mean the facility would have it, however, I feel the therapist’s notes on why she had me admitted would help. They had my check-in history. However, it wasn’t enough proof because they could have checked me in when I actually didn’t show up. That’s what the new doctor said before learning he is an ableist piece of trash.

These can be extra notes for the lawyer in case they need them. Unlike most cases where the claimant worked previously and later got sick/hurt, I was born with my conditions and they affected me my whole life. 

If they asked have a tried working

I am sure they will ask me have I tried to apply for jobs. The closest I came to trying to find a job was when I went through a program that I thought would help me but it didn’t work out and I left after 2 months. The coach was putting too much pressure on me expecting way too much from me. Never properly communicated with me regarding how many job applications she needed from me and how many times a week she need me to email her, yet acted so surprised when I was not doing it as much as she expected. Unless you give me a clear ‘I need 5 apples’ I will assume it doesn’t matter how much/how often etc. The counselor refused to believe I am autistic and I think that caused me to not get placed correctly. The person outright didn’t want to hear my struggles and why I need the proper setting.

 Perhaps if I had a job, I would not be able to take off twice a month to see the doctor. I would not be able to take off so many times a year for doctor’s appointments. Remember, I need to prove I can’t work a full-time job. Five days a week for 8 hours. Especially because my mom wanted me in a retail job and retail changes your schedule a lot. Having anxiety thinks about how it will damage being around so many people and crowds for 8 hours a day. And I won’t know when the doctor’s next opening is. Most jobs may require you to work there for a while before requesting time/days off.

This article is intended to prep some notes in case I need them. It may set a bad look to the employer if I have only been working at the place for a week and I already need to take days off. Let’s say the doctor needs me to see him more often. I may not always be able to schedule around my work schedule (let’s pretend I had a job) I need an open schedule for doctor’s appointments. The employer can go ‘did I make a mistake hiring her? She needs to take off so many times a year.’ This doctor is open on weekends BUT his weekend slots will most likely be full.

• Frequent need for doctor’s appointments
• will get overwhelmed with a constantly changing schedule
• doctor neglected to follow the rules. 
• or my time at the job being short due to them not properly making it clear what is need.

A healthy person wouldn’t need to see a doctor for follow-ups vs a sick person. Back in 2007, my granda had a boatload of doctor’s appointments. I used to live in the suburbs and came back to the city during my breaks from school. He saw different doctors due to his diabetes and things diabetes can affect. Imagine if he had a full-time job and had to call off like 3/4xs a month or more.

The ableist piece of trash doctor I got when my old one left

When my old doctor left I got a replacement a month later. The new doctor would just say my issues don’t exist because they’re different. Having someone that arrogant could have hurt my case. If social security requested a note from him and he told them ‘Jasmine’s condition is not bad. She is not depressed enough. There is no record of X. No record of Y etc.’ Of course, SS will deny me due to a doctor stating that I do not need it. The doctor I saw before they mixed up my insurance strongly agreed that I need disability and will do what he can to help me.

• Arrogant doctor.

This is for if the judge had notes from that arrogant garbage then the lawyer can argue I was not given the correct doctor due to the company’s irresponsibility. It was irresponsible of the company to just give me a random doctor rather than calling me and informing me that Sally (what we are gonna called the old social worker), did not leave notes regarding what we talked about.

I need disabilty for more than just mental illness

Now, I am applying for more than just autism. I am applying for mental illness as well. Depression leaves me drained from the smallest task. I feel like I ran 5 miles and need to sit down for a bit. That would complicate a job. Remember my mom wanted me in retail. Imagine the store is busy and me having to sit down causing everyone else to fall behind.

But I am completely drained and cannot perform anymore. Think of it as your phone, can you use it if the battery is completely dead? I cannot be under pressure. I cannot be rushed. I cannot be on someone else’s time. An example I have 20 mins to do a task and I really need an hour. I cannot be yelled at especially.  It cannot be where the job has to be done their way. It cannot be fast-paced. No constant changes with little to no time to prepare. On a full-time shift, you have to work at least 2 hours before the first break and I wouldn’t be able to go 20 minutes without needing a break both physically and mentally. 

• Will need frequent breaks
• extremely limited job options due to sensory issues 
• I will not be able to process sudden changes, especially with little to no time to adjust to them.

Passing the vocational screening

The lawyer said a vocational person will be there to list jobs I can do based on what I tell him. This is Survivor and the vocational person is my biggest threat and I have to outwit them. Let’s say they suggest a retail job. I can counter-fight with the following reasons.  The vocational person will go by your previous job(s). If I have never been able to obtain a job due to my conditions maybe it will be hard for them to come up with jobs including the questionnaires the doctors filled out.

I cannot do retail/fast food due to several reasons

• Loads of people
• fast pace
• changing schedule and/or position 
• Will need frequent breaks
• Will need an open schedule for doctor’s appointments
• I can’t be in settings with lots of noise and 50 things going on at once. 
• I work at a slower pace.

I get overwhelmed and upset easily. I get stressed very easily. I can make some impulsive choices out of being upset. A customer yelling at me over nothing will be enough to make me upset and I will attempt to hurt myself. It’s happened before. 

• I will try to hurt myself if someone yells at me.
• Cannot do jobs dealing with the public.

Interviews are hard to pass

My mom doesn’t care sometimes and triggers me then plays the victim. Mostly because she expects me to read her mind to know what she wants. It’s not that hard to say ‘hey help me with this, please’ it’s not that hard to give me a heads up in enough time when you need something.

I am very sensitive to certain types of criticism. Depending on how they say it, I will think they are against me and take it personally. Which gives the sender a second impression.

Interviews make me so anxious. I don’t know how to respond to questions. Sometimes I cannot directly say yes or no. Sometimes it’s in the middle. For example, you can ask me if I work out. I may work out 3xs a week. Therefore I cannot outright say yes or no. I will say ‘yes but 3xs a week.’ 98% of jobs have an interview process. Also, I mentioned when I went through that program and the coach asked me the tell me about yourself question and I instantly f*ked it up. I immediately got anxious and could not answer the follow-ups questions the coach asked.

• Interviews make me extremely anxious. 
• I will not know how to answer the question(s)

Overall thoughts

Overall it will be hard to even get a job. Even though I was not officially ready to work when I went through that program. I applied to some places and didn’t hear back. The following jobs I can NOT do

• Retail
• Fast food
• office jobs
• nothing where you have to work fast
• where you have to work under pressure
• I have to remember a lot of things due to poor memory
• nothing where I have a short amount of time to complete a task
• nothing with crowds
• no fast-paced settings
• high stress
• high anxiety
• anything with lots of noise. 
• anything where I am physically active ( eg lots of walking, long-standing duration, etc)

I think my poor memory surely be a key reason why I wouldn’t be able to work. My extreme failure fear will surely get in the way. I will give the lawyer some last-minute notes and ask some last-minute questions.

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