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Way back I made a blog post called ‘ways you are misunderstanding the autistic in your life’ because I feel the constant miscommunication makes it harder to talk to NTs. That blog posts’ goal was to debunk the double meaning behind the behavior of the autistic ‘ ex then asking follow-up questions being seen as nosy vs them merely wanting to show interest in your story and asking for more info helps them connect more.’
Sometimes we don’t know the best way to show concern. I don’t know the best way to show concern. Back in 2014, my friend broke his leg playing soccer (football in most countries). I showed concern and people gave me shit for it. When I got worried about my friend when he seemed depressed on his Facebook statues, the body language of his character in his screenshots, it ended up with him ghosting me. So to prevent my concern from doing more harm than good, I stay silent because ‘will it annoy them?’ However, the outsider could see it as not caring. When my mom has problems with her stuff, she assumes I don’t care. When in reality I am scared and I don’t know what to do, how to react, and afraid of a snarky remark if I do seek help.
And my ‘concern’ stressing them out and making things worse
Stop assuming we don’t care because we don’t communicate like you.
Instead of assuming they do not care, use what I just told you as a guild. My friend ghosting me because I constantly checked in with him when he seemed sad.
Tell them you will not ghost them if they are worried about you and that you appreciate the effort.
Think outside the box for a minute. Picture yourself in their shoes. When your brain goes into panic mode, panic trumps common sense. Say you witness someone get shot, the trauma and panic that rushes through your brain will overtake common sense (calling 911) and you may flee the scene out of fright. Someone who does not understand anxiety, trauma etc will assume the person does not care.
Remember panic trumps common sense. Your brain goes into ‘freeze’ mode.
Being gaslight by telling me I don’t care… What do you expect to happen. I will be pushed AWAY because I feel no matter what no one is satisfied.
I may not be the best at examples, but I felt I should show you case that back what I said about panic overtaking common sense.
Understand how the ND communicate. Understand the past behind things. (like my mom not understanding my silence the entire time she was feeling bad). My mom saw it as not caring but doesn’t realize in the past when I showed concern, it ended up having another meaning. Another example to back this is when a friend said he was going to be busy, I showed concern for his health and his mom somehow thought I told him to quit his job and got shit for it from everyone on the thread. People twisting my concern and giving me shit caused me to just give up and feel like no matter what people will try to find some way to twist it so they can start drama.
Bold assumptions do not help me. Understanding does. If every time you tried to show concern and was shat on instead, wouldn’t that push you away? Think about it that way.
Understanding and reassurance will help rather than just making assumptions.
All I am asking is for some understanding.
You can’t gain an understanding making assumptions and drawing your own conclusions from what you see through your lens.
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