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Being A Closeted Queer Person

June 26, 2022

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I will explain how I feel about being a closeted queer person. Autism and being queer are who I am so I feel I shouldn’t limit my blog to one type of content. I also play a lot of LGBT+ games like Life Is Strange and add queer couples to my Sims series etc

At least on Instagram, in my stories, I came out as asexual and later on as Bi. After that, I came out as non-binary. I’ve always been this way. I just didn’t know there was a word for it. I still ID as a woman, I don’t feel like your average girl. At times I liked stuff my mom felt wasn’t right for my gender. I’ve always been bi. It was in the 5th grade when I knew I wasn’t straight. I had a crush on a girl in my class and people talked and even started saying I kissed her ( I didn’t). The only thing was I just didn’t know there was a word for those who liked more than one gender.

Also. In the 6th grade, a girl hated me “because I am gay” she said it loud and clear. I never understood what the problem was. I masked after that. I dated someone I didn’t know was a girl. I used to Role play in the resident evil fandom and the person had an account for Leon S Kennedy so I was under the impression the admin was a guy. Stupid assumption on my part. (this was on Facebook) and called it off upon learning.

The entire time I was pretending I was straight because I was afraid my friends on Facebook would bail on me. I mean I feel what I did wasn’t right. I acted like a bible thumper with the whole “being gay is wrong” so I wouldn’t blow my cover.

I don’t like how I masked. Honestly, I hate how I masked. We mask because we are hated for who we are.

Despite everything, I did like them before knowing. They decided to post about our relationship and when my friend pointed out “sis your bf is a girl”

.I thought what if the person wanted to come to the states to see me. I also have a religious aunt that I cannot tell. I hardly see her anyway. I’ll never know. My folks down south who are also religious, I don’t know. Although this is a bold assumption,

I am not out to my mom. She is religious and made problematic comments about the LGBT+ community. In 2015 when Obama was president, he passed the gay marriage law in all 50 states (if I remember correctly). My mom posted on her Facebook “it’s not what the law says it’s what God says.” she is homophobic because same-sex couples can’t procreate. That’s the problem, we think every one of child-barring age wants to have kids. Same-sex couples can still adopt a child. There are so many kids stuck in foster care who need homes.

Then I shared comments on my Facebook page about someone who is gay committing suicide and someone commented they were glad the person did it. Someone on my timeline reblogged an article and in the comments is where the person wrote their gross comment. I ranted about that person’s gross homophobia and a guy commented on the Adam and Eve crutch and said “IDK if you’re gay don’t talk to me.” I blocked him fast. He said he is Christain and I should have told it like it is saying he’s a fake-ass Christian because Jesus would not stand for hatred.

SO badly, I want to get pride merch at the same time I have to map out a plan to hide it from my folks. The folks got an alarm and I can watch the tape and then run to the door when I see the mail carrier; if I were to order pride stuff. But what if my mom, at the last minute, decided she wants to go out? Say my package is supposed to come Friday. Thursday night my mom will all of a sudden want to go out Friday and when I ask her why didn’t she tell me sooner she’ll say she just thought about it.

This is along the lines of what if I am not home when they bring my package and my folk’s snoop.

I could sneak a pride flag past my mom if I wear a big enough shirt to hide the package. What if I forget to take it down and she comes into my room? Or at that moment she asks to see what I got.

Therefore I must buy something small like a button pin or a keychain. I bought a pride banner at Hot Topic and hid it in my bag. This may not always be the case. I gotta be careful.

These things make me wish religion didn’t exist. Its the reason my mom is anti-LGBT+

I feel if religion didn’t exist, she wouldn’t have problematic views on us. If not then she cannot use the bible as an excuse. I feel there would be no homophobia if there was no religion.

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About Me

Jazz Williams

I am a content creator, streamer blogger. i will blog about all things being a content creator, tech reviews, first impression game reviews.

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