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I Am Not A Mind Reader! Autism And Communication Gates

September 4, 2021

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I thought I’d write this blog post. I’ve noticed nowadays, no one wants to communicate but rather expects you to know things. As if you can read minds.

I’ve noticed NTs don’t bother to communicate to make sure you know. I feel like it’s a common autism issue trying to navigate in a world that expects you to have mind-reading abilities.

They don’t want to talk with you to find where the miscommunication occurred and it’s your fault you couldn’t read their mind or misunderstand.

It feels so frustrating that you’re just expected to know what upsets everyone, on a global platform no less.

At times my friend started ignoring me. He’d answer everyone else messages but mine. He never came forward to me if I did something he didn’t like. I can’t read your mind. I won’t know if I am doing something you don’t like. Open your mouth and communicate and I will stop.

The first case, instead of communicating that a post upset a guy, he screams at me

Back in 2014, I found a funny prompt based on your birthday. You put your sentence together based on your birth month and day etc. Here is an example ‘I ate pancakes because I had nothing else to eat.’ I tagged a bunch of my friends who I thought would like it.

One person, rather than messaging me and saying ‘I don’t like those types of posts, please do not tag me in them’ started yelling at me like I knew he didn’t like the posts. But I didn’t. How was I supposed to know he did not like those posts?! He didn’t wanna communicate and say ‘hey I don’t like these posts because someone used them to make fun of me. please be mindful of these types of posts.’ He just assumed I know.

The truth? I meant no harm when I shared the post. The post had some adult jokes. Ofc due to my neurodivergence I may not completely understand their meanings.

People literally told him “she didn’t know” ‘” just untag yourself”. At least the people commenting had some sense to know I didn’t know those posts upset him. AT least SOMEONE thought logically and messaged me and told me not to tag him in those posts. Facebook has a feature where you can restrict what your friends see from you. If I knew sooner the post I shared upset him, I would have added him to the restrict list.

I may not have had him on my friend’s list as long as everyone else knew that. Maybe he did mention why he doesn’t like those posts, it was BEFORE he added me. You have every right to call out the posts you’re tagged in that upsets you, but DO NOT assume I know and I did it to be an asshole.

Another guy expected me to be a mind reader

One time I swore on someone else’s post and they scolded me for it ‘no swearing.’ Once again HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW, I CAN NOT READ YOUR DAMN MIND.

I mean the way they said it. Like I knew and I did it to anger them, I felt if they figured I didn’t know, they would have said, ‘please can you not swear, thank you.’

Some people need to get over it. People are gonna swear and there is nothing they can really do about it unless you join a site for kids. It may sound harsh but kinda true. People are gonna swear online, if you don’t like that, go on some kid’s site. I watched Alonzo Lerone a lot. He swears in his videos but he bleeps certain words. My mom complained about his language.

Even if they stated they don’t like profanity, it was probably before they added me. How can you expect someone you just added to know the rules that you set when you first made the account. My Facebook account (my personal one) was created in 2012. Let’s pretend I set a no swearing rule. I can’t expect someone adding me on a 10-year-old account to know a rule I set that far back. Why not make a post and tag any new people you added within a certain time and tell them the rules of your account. I was in the roleplay fandom back then.

NTs don’t want to communicate they rather expect you to read their mind

Whatever happened to communication? It’s funny we are the ones with the problem while NTs think everyone can read minds. The guy wouldn’t have yelled at me over that post if he stopped to think ‘she probably doesn’t know these posts upset me’ or the no swearing guy ‘she probably doesn’t know I don’t like profanity,’

They wouldn’t have acted like I knew and just did it to upset them.

There is a huge communication gate between autistics and NTs. So it seems. It seems as though NTs don’t wanna open their mouth and say something and we’re supposed to just know. And when we don’t and post something we didn’t know was harmful rather than saying ‘be careful with this post’ they assume you know and did it to be an asshole.

Another rant about that useless job program, yeah I know *moans*

When I joined that useless job program, the coach said I needed to email her more. She never once mentioned that nor how often to email her and what for. Why did she want me to email her so damn often? She just assumed I knew I had to email her so many times a week. I need a reason. I am not gonna email her for the hell of it.

Maybe she wanted an email when I got a call for an interview or if I got an email back from an employer. I didn’t hear back from any jobs I applied to so why would I email her?

To say “I applied to Joe’s last Saturday and I have not heard back. I guess they picked who they wanted already.” The coach also wondered why I wasn’t filling out as many applications as she expected. She never told me how many she wanted me to fill out. The coach questions me as to why I wasn’t emailing her and applying for jobs when she didn’t bother to open her mouth and tell me directly how many e-mails to send her and how many applications to fill out.

Listen, NTS, if you want me to do something, you have to open your mouth and directly state what you want.

I blocked someone who left me. Their friend left me a hurtful message

They couldn’t have known what the friend was gonna do. This isn’t someone expecting me to have mind-reading abilities more or less not reaching out to me to get my side of what happened.

I need to have a backbone. I should have had the guts to tell this person “who are they to talk when they are in a random stranger’s inbox insulting them like this is high school. And why are you on my ass over shit that happened 8 months ago?

I can block whoever I want, screenshot whatever I want, call out whoever’s being an ass on MY Facebook. If you don’t want to be called out, don’t be an asshole. Easy.

This is MY domain. If what I do on MY profile prompts you to send these awful messages. If what someone does on their own damn account ( if they are not bullying or anything) gets you so irate you think they deserve hateful messages, maybe I am not the problem. You’re the problem. I learned from what happened and moved on but you like to dig up mistakes people made in the past for your own amusement.”

If you think you can dictate what someone does on their OWN DAMN FACEBOOK, TWITTER ETC, then you have a problem, not the person you’re ‘calling out.’ This person thought they had authority over me to dictate what I can do on MY account.

The friend called themselves calling me out for screen shoting assholes and calling them out on my timeline. Instead of blaming someone for doing as they should, calling out things they feel isn’t right, how about don’t be a jerk.

If you’re mean to someone, what the hell do you expect? I’m gonna talk about it.

They are the problem. If you think your friend deleting me was their way of ‘helping’ me. They didn’t want to get the story from me to at least hear both sides. There are 2 sides to the story. This is where communication comes in.

They didn’t wanna reach out to understand how I felt about what happened and what I’ve dealt with. They automatically went into the fight more and sent hate. People do messed-up things but sending hate doesn’t make you look cool.

There are people who have hateful beliefs. At this point in time, I learned that canceling culture aka just sending the person hate, will not fix it. We can’t fix hate with equally hateful behavior. Yeah, Joe said some racist things, how can we expect him to learn why his comments are racist with hate wars?

some people on my timeline CONDONED what the friend said. You have to be a pretty fucked up person to think sending someone hate is OK. This friend had the nerve to tell me to grow up while she’s acting like a stuck-up snob over what I do on MY Facebook. Sending hate, let alone someone you don’t even know, is not OK. Whether you know them or not, it’s wrong.

Don’t tell me to grow up when you’re sending me hate messages because of what I am entitled to do on MY account. Like if what people do on their account bothers you that much then block them and move on.

One so-called friend sided with the click because I blocked people. I blocked people who were creepy and assholes. It’s not like someone said hi and I blocked them. I’m allowed to block who I want on MY Facebook. Get your ass off the internet if what someone is entitled to do on their account bothers you so much!

Don’t wanna be blocked? Don’t be an asshole. The friend was aware of my neurodivergence and still chose not to show any understanding and compared me to the friend they ‘defended.’

Little did this person know, I have issues with people abandoning me.

My friend expected me to know a page I followed posted something problematic when I didn’t even know what it was

Another case. Originally, I joined the Undertale fandom in 2017. I followed some Undertale pages mainly for memes. I befriended someone who also loves Undertale before the lockdowns. Which was last year. I found them in late 2018. I added them to a page I run in early 2020.

There is a problematic ship in the fandom, Frans (FriskXSans) I am not sure if she saw a problematic post and saw I liked the page. When you are looking for pages ( at least from the old Facebook) let’s take Walmart, say 8 friends of yours like Walmart, it will say ‘Joe and 8 other friends like this,’ under the page suggestions.

Instead of thinking, I didn’t know the page was problematic or I didn’t see the problematic posts, etc

Since she didn’t bother to explain anything and immediately jumped to conclusions, I am guessing the page posted something that got people angry at them.

She goes into my inbox yelling at me saying I support Frans. Guess what? I had no clue what she was talking about. She didn’t want to COMMUNICATE and say ‘do you know you like the so and so page and they post a lot of problematic stuff?’ I assume you didn’t know at the time you followed/missed posts from the page etc.’

All she had to do is say ‘i am not sure if you are aware or not, you follow *insert page here* recently they posted something they shouldn’t have. Here is the link to the page.”

They did apologize. In the future, instead of just assuming I know. Ask me and link me receipts.

NTs like to yell at you for not reading their mind and keeping up with problematic fandoms 24/7.

You can follow a page and forgot you followed it. There are several things that could be the case, this person just jumps to conclusions assuming I support Frans when I didn’t even see the post in question. Again she said she was sorry. However, ask me if I am aware of what’s going on first. And show me receipts.

She was yelling and spamming my messenger, My first thoughts were ‘Where did you see that I liked Frans? I have no idea what you’re talking about?’

Frisk is a child in the game and Sans is an adult. Although the character’s age isn’t confirmed. Toriel calls Frisk ‘my child’

Sans calls Frisk ‘kid’

and the monster kid says he IDs kids if they wear a striped shirt.

Maybe when I liked the page might I add I added these pages 3 YEARS ago, maybe they changed their brand. They could have switched from memes to fandom shipping. At the time, I didn’t know much about Undertale. I only knew of 2 ships that are canon (part of the story) which are the royal guards that work for Undyne and Undyne and Alphys.

I did not see the problematic post that got her angry.

Sometimes I follow pages to see what they are saying and to see what others say in the comments. Following a page/person does NOT automatically mean you support them. I have said before I was not fond of Frans.

She automatically assumed I supported this ship. Keep in mind she didn’t screenshot the problematic post/page so I can see if I liked it and what they’re saying. Facebook’s algorithm is doo doo so you can like a page and hardly see posts from them. Or miss the problematic posts and see the normal ones.

All I really looked for on these pages were memes and updates (or facts from the game) from the creator of the game since on and off he worked on different projects.

The point is I was unaware of the problematic side of the fandom. The Undertale fandom was pretty problematic this was BEFORE I entered. Undertale came out in 2015 and I discovered the game in 2017.

The point of this blog is to show how in each instance the parties jumped to conclusions rather than trying to inform me or find out what I know or what happened. That’s the issue I constantly face. I’m supposed to be a mind reader to know what angers people or be able to keep up with problematic things in fandoms 24/7.

When someone on my Twitter ranted that they saw folks following problematic people but wouldn’t tell us who

And another thing is when people say ‘XYX is problematic’ but show zero receipts of what the person did/said. This falls under the being vague category. I follow commentary YouTubers who talk about iffy people and (at least if I am watching someone legit) they always provide tweets, Tik Tok clips, etc of the sketchy behavior. Imagine if the Youtuber just said ‘Joe is being problematic’ ‘not Joe being problematic’ ‘I can’t believe I ever trusted Tom’ and showed no receipts to back the claim, you would ask questions, right? The internet is forever, so even if their account got banned, someone, somewhere saved it.

When I follow people, don’t follow every single page they use. If they did whatever got you angry on Twitch and a good % don’t follow them on Twitch or wasn’t around when the incident happened, I am not gonna know. I will more likely understand with receipts. I learn visually so I will get a better understanding of what happened with receipts. Also if you provide receipts of what the person did/said then you wouldn’t have to deal with people asking you what happened; over and over.

This is just to tie into the friend not showing me any receipts regarding what the Undertale page posted that got people angry when she just assumed I knew about it. With people being cryptic and vague and not just saying whatever the hell the person did, I won’t know

You can support someone’s content/work while also condemning their problematic behavior.

Nowadays you have to be a mind reader and following someone that’s problematic automatically means you support them. How am I supposed to know someone is problematic when ya’ll won’t fucking say what they did and say ‘I would win in a fight against Jerry.’ How is that telling me what the person did LMAO?

9/10 the person isn’t fully aware of what’s going on. Other times you just want to see what they’re saying and commenting tells the algorithm you wanna see more. Maybe you support their content and not their problematic actions.

Also, interactions tell the algorithm to show you more content from that person.

One time someone tweeted something like ‘I’m looking for people to follow but it turns out they follow someone problematic.’

Take a shot of juice every time I said problematic. LOL. But seriously. This guy didn’t even think to put together a list of these troublesome people she saw potential mutuals following. Eg ‘I was looking for mutuals but they follow problematic people. *insert person here* is a common one that was followed they are a proven pedophile.’

I cannot understand your cryptic shit. “I’d kick Tom’s ass’ is not saying someone is troublesome and telling me what they did.’

No one bothered to tell me from the get-go if my comments were too much and decided to wait until it (possibly) reached harassment threats

Another thing. My friend invited me to like a page. It said ‘Ed invited you to like his page’ I thought it was his page due to how Facebook worded the alert. If it wasn’t his page Facebook should say ‘Ed invited you like a page he runs.’

I commented on most if not all posts that I like. One of the admins send me a message that I am harassing people and they will have to ban me if I don’t stop. I follow actors, Bloggers, streamers, and comment on most if not all their stuff. using this person’s logic, I should be flooded with harassment warnings by now. My email should be flooded with cease and desist from lawyers. Not a single lawyer warning.

I should have told this person not to become an entertainer of any kind etc. When your base grows you will get some regulars. So I guess they harassing you? I guess a regular patron at a store is harassing the place, too then? I am trying to apply this person’s logic

Why did NO ONE message me beforehand and say ‘can you tone down the comments, please?’ The ONLY time I ever got any messages was the admin threatening to ban me if I didn’t stop ‘harassing’ people.

Once again. I had no idea what they were talking about. I asked them to show me proof that I am ‘harassing’ people. Again this is coming from people who think I am a mind reader so if people message the page telling them I’m harassing them, to show me what people are saying.

Their reason? I am commenting on posts made by Ed and her boyfriend, Leon. Again, HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT LEON WAS YOUR BF? Does this person not understand millions of people have the name ‘Leon?’ I was in the Resident evil fandom, one of the characters in the game is Leon Kennedy. A LOT of people made parody accounts for Leon S Kennedy. So I assumed it was a friend. FRIEND. She accused me of trying to flirt with her partner. I don’t flirt with people I don’t know.

Maybe I simply liked the posts Ed and Leon made. She never thought about that. SImplying liking a post someone makes is not harassment. If I was making sexual comments. Inappropriate comments ( especially if minors followed the page since I was 19 at the time) I can see it. Even at 19 still young and not fully developed. I couldn’t even go to the liquor store or buy cigarettes since my state raised the age in 2014. This incident was in 2015.

Ed and Leon were also in on it. Maybe they orchestrated it.

Then she accused me of being clingy for talking on the posts made by the s/o. Remember, to begin with, I didn’t know Leon was her partner. A popular ship in the Resident Evil fandom was Aeon (Leon and Ada) So these 2 were doing that. I didn’t even know she was with anyone! She expected me to know this Leon was her partner out of millions of people with the name. She expected me to know her personal life ( I feel relationships are kinda personal and it’s your choice to tell the public or keep it between you, your s/o, and close friends/family, etc) If she used any common sense, should have figured I did not know she was dating anyone and the person on the page was her partner.

If she’s getting on my case for having an innocent convo with her s/o, I am not the problem, she is. You should be able to trust your partner with setting boundaries when talking to other females/males/ etc.

I have social anxiety, I don’t text anyone first due to someone yelling at me for simply asking them their summer plans. So tell me how a comment is being ‘clingy’

I didn’t even know they were together and that her s/o was on the page, but I’m clingy for talking to someone I didn’t know was her s/o. This proves my point. Communication is dead. Assuming and jumping to conclusions is in.

In every single instance I listed, I was expected to read minds to know and the parties getting on me like I knew and just did it to be an asshole. No one came forward and said

‘I’m just letting you know I do not like these posts due to XYZ’

‘ instead of jumping to conclusions, I want your side of the story. I need to understand what went down between you and Veronica.’

‘I am not sure if you know or not, *insert page here* is posting some problematic stuff. The page is under fire for doing *insert action here* here is the page in question. I see that you liked them. Here is the link to the page”

‘that Leon is my bf. Just letting you know.’ People seriously expect strangers no less, to know their lives like that.

“can you tone the comments down a bit?’

Seriously, I am sick and tired of people assuming I can read minds and just know. I cannot read minds. I cannot read minds. Jesus, speak up.

You have a right to tell someone if something they’re doing is bothering you. All I am asking you to stop expecting me to know and actually open your mouth and say something like in the examples above.

I am NOT a mind reader. I will NOT OUTRIGHT know what posts upset you, what I’m doing upsets you, keep up with problematic fandoms 24/7. STOP acting as if I can read minds. I CAN NOT. Open your mouth and say something!

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1 Comment

  • Reply The One Things Folks Do That I Do Not Understand – Gaming With Jazz January 2, 2022 at 7:37 pm

    […] vague and cryptic and expect people to keep up with everything 24/7. I talked about this in another blog post. On that blog post, I mentioned how a friend yells at me in my DMs because an Undertale page said […]

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