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By the time this blog goes up, my hearing would have already happened. And I will already know whether or not I got it. I schedule my posts ahead of time.
This was written back in 2019 or early 2020
I feel my learning differences can get in the way.
If the boss does not physically show me how the job needs to be done I will not understand it. Depending on the job. When people give me feedback on YouTube, it’s useless if they don’t provide a guild I can refer to regarding what they are talking about. An example, if they tell me my thumbnails need work but don’t provide tips on how I can make them better. Or what is weak in my thumbnails so I know I need to try. When someone explains something to me with no visuals, it’s like they’re speaking another language. An example I have to back this is I went to the eye doctor, this was a different place. I was not familiar with their testing system. The doctor was just telling me what line he wanted me to read and not say ‘read the line that starts with XWSA.’ Or ‘the second row from the bottom.’ When you just leave one-liner instructions with no extra details, I won’t get it. The doctor did not provide more instructions as to what line he wanted me to read. Imagine a job if someone starts to get annoyed by repeating themselves. So I cannot do jobs where they teach you your job verbally or with written instructions. I need visuals to get a better feel of how the job needs to be done. Just like if I buy a gaming rig, I look up a video on Youtube to get a better idea.
Not all employers are willing to make it work for us. One time my mom told me to bring her some chicken but didn’t tell me what else she wanted if there was not a lot of chicken left and got mad that I only brought her one piece of chicken. A simple ‘if x isn’t there then give me Y instead’ is not that damn difficult. Most people with autism cannot read between the lines, therefore they need these extra details when giving a task. Another thing is when we are going out, my mom just says get up early. not giving me time like ‘at 8’ or ‘at 9.’ And she’ll go off on me for not being ready in time. That disqualifies me from jobs where employers think it’s ‘common sense’ to know the task or jobs that require efficiency. Sensory Triggers.
Most autistic people have sensory triggers, these can vary from light, smell, hot, cold, crowds, noises. Mine are heat, cold, fluorescent lights, noises, crowds. Retail jobs will have these triggers.
This is along the lines of my mom getting mad at me for not understanding her one-liner instructions and expecting me to just know what she wants
Won’t Be Able To Pass The Interview
Most people with autism can’t pass the interview. Hence the reason the unemployment for autistic adults is so high. It can be for several reasons. I cannot make eye contact for very long. I can only look you in the eye for seconds and look around you, look at your shirt, etc. The interviewer can read not making eye contact the wrong way. They could see it as disrespectful.
Therefore, I have no way of getting to them that I need the questions asked in a different way. If I mention my autism they can not offer me a job and just say I didn’t qualify as an excuse. The program also said this. They may be right, they may have had clients who were denied jobs for mentioning their disorder. I think it would only be appropriate to mention accommodations for an interview for instance if you are not a native English speaker and request a translator. Or if you are mute and need someone who knows sign language.
Most people with autism don’t just have autism by themselves. They may get depression, anxiety, OCD, etc. My anxiety can be a problem on a job. Being around a lot of people makes my anxiety skyrocket and my anxiety will not stop until I am out of the situation that’s causing my anxiety. Getting yelled at, unexpected changes cause me anxiety as well. I feel I should not put myself in situations that will not help my anxiety. I am easily startled and my mom said her grandma says an easily startled person means they are guilty of something. You have to think about how my behavior can be seen by someone else. Most autistic adults are scared of disclosing their autism in fear of being mistreated or fired. No one should be discriminated against for a disability they probably wish they never had. Anxiety, autism have been a thing forever but stigmas and misinformation are the reasons why people go untreated.
I hurt my shoulder when I was 14, I got arthritis in it as a result. I get random flare-ups and they are very painful. I have little to no mobility in my right arm. I can’t lift my arm past my head and it feels like cement is in my shoulder. It will be hard performing a job 100% with limited mobility in my arm. It will be impossible to focus on anything because of the pain. Over-the-counter pain meds are not strong enough and the doctor may not give me meds in fear I will become addicted. In fact, when I get my flare-ups, it feels like it did when I hurt it. Not when the injury was fresh, but after a while. I can’t stalk shelves because the repetitive movement will speed up the flare-ups or give me Carpal Tunnel. ( Eg when I have to reach high and when I get my flares I can barely lift my arm past my head). My flare-ups last 2-3 days. I would not be able to call off work this often. Lifting something heavy also causes my flares, extreme cold, etc. Taking pain meds and putting heat in my shoulder helps cut my flares down to 3 days. If I get a sudden sharp pain in my shoulder on a job, I can’t take a heating pad and lay down in the break lounge. Keeping my shoulder moving but reducing repetitive actions prevents my flare-ups. Not exposing my shoulder to prolonged cold helps. Things I may not be able to avoid at a job.
I also have Vertigo, the way to explain it is it makes you dizzy for no reason. Of course, performing a job will be difficult with the room spinning. Sometimes I get dizzy spells when I wake up. Sometimes I get headaches. All the loudness of a job will just make my headaches worse. I got all this from a genetic disorder that I can’t spell. This is to show that most people with autism won’t just have autism by themselves.
I feel that working from home is best for me. Clearly, I cannot deal with the public. And I am extremely limited on what jobs I can do. I rather do what will help my mental health, not make it worse.
Writing makes me better. I just wish I can find more writing jobs. I feel in control of having my own schedule. Most of us prefer this as well. They want their own pace, their own flow This isn’t so they get what they want, this is because they function better with their own thing.
I tried explaining to someone that I couldn’t work and they judged and shamed me. If only she knew all of this. Never judge someone when you don’t know. There is more to it than what I tell you. I Am Unable To Do Something The Way The Person Wants It Done I just cannot do something the way someone else wants it. I have this issue all the time with my grandma. She is a neat freak. She is worse than Danny Tanner from ‘Full House.’ If it’s not perfect the way she wants it, she goes off. She complains. I am never clean enough for her. She can hire a housekeeper to clean up and it wouldn’t be good enough. If I can’t do things the way my grandma wants it then I wouldn’t be able to do the job the way the employer wants it. I cannot deal with her hovering over me watching my every move. I wouldn’t be able to handle an employer that is like this. Doing something in a way I cannot perform it feels like trying on a shoe 2 sizes too small. The Solution I don’t need toxic environments that will make my mental health state worse. I’ve already relapsed since that sorry excuse for a doctor. I don’t want it to get worse where I had suicidal intentions. I had trouble with my mom and grandma seeing eye to eye. I know talking about what I can’t do can be seen as negative to someone who is not on the same page as me. This way I can find a solution to the problem. I covered that I cannot be in crowds, my solution is to work from home where I am not around anyone.
I feel alone in this world. My grandma can’t understand my disorder and just says it’s ‘making excuses.’ How can I be positive in a world that doesn’t understand me and won’t understand me? I did this to help others understand how some situations are like a race against time for us, all because we can’t hold down a job due to ableism. I make video versions and written versions to add information I may have forgotten to add or didn’t have time. These are just aspects of how employees will be hard. I have different blog posts covering the disability portion. This asshat judges me for getting benefits. This is why I talk about autism, mental illness, and other things. People who don’t know shit about you open their mouths on stuff they know zip about. It’s sad that people think the only disabilities are if you’re in a wheelchair or need a walker.
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