When My Mom Wouldn’t Accept My Work From Home Wish

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I made the call to work from home back in 2018. When I told my mom that’s what I wanted to do due to my anxiety about being around crowds, I had trouble getting her to support it. In 2018 around November, my mom said when it warmed up, she would take me to Burlington and Marshal’s to talk to the manager about giving me a job. I told her I just cannot do it. I am too anxious to be around people. I tried telling her I felt so much better working from home. She said I ‘look fine’ when I am in public.

That’s the problem, we judge based on what we ‘see.’ My mom always compared me to other disabled folks who work.

So what does an anxious person suppose to look like? Breathing in a paper bag? You shouldn’t assume that someone is fine because they ‘look’ ok. Not everything has a look. She wouldn’t accept it because I won’t be socializing. This is one thing autistic people suck at so why try to push them to do something you know is hard for them? I mean we don’t “suck.”   However, communication differences and how we emote are different from neurotypical people may cause problems. Or maybe autistic folks want limited socializing due to social burnout. Which can take days to recharge. If I want to be a freelancer I have to talk to whoever wants me to write something for them. It will be via e-mail or DM. I still have to talk but it beats face-to-face. I told her the stress of a job will be too much for me and I am tired of my hair falling out and having to keep cutting it and she gets mad. After she saw my hair fall out in front of her very eyes when I was so overwhelmed with constantly having to see a therapist who won’t listen to me.

I suck at socializing. I can’t go a month without saying something that upsets someone to save my life. That doesn’t mean I don’t want to talk to anyone ever. Or not knowing how my tone actually sounds to the other parties.

If I got a dollar every time I wasn’t on par with someone, I’d be rich.

We went to Target and my mom asked one of the ladies if they hired autistic people.

I took this as my mom would not back down. She could have just been curious. Also, remember just because a company hires autistic people doesn’t mean they will be placed properly and treated right. Let’s say they hired me and gave me fewer hours than an NT.  Doesn’t guarantee they will be kept long. My mom doesn’t understand that getting (and keeping) a job while disabled is not as easy as she thinks. The ADA doesn’t protect disabled people like she thinks. When companies say they hire disabled people, it’s not as cut and dry as she thinks.

there are various reasons why getting and keeping a job while disabled may be a struggle. Employers discriminate against disabled people. Notice how employers have “must be able to lift x lbs” on the application when lifting actually doesn’t play a part in the job. or how the quizzes are to weed out neurodivergent people.  Disabled people struggle to keep a job because employers refuse to provide flexible scheduling or proper accommodations.  I’ve read from disabled people they’ve had to go through HR for accommodations or had their manager tell them their said accommodation is “not fair to the other workers.”

My mom asked the lady what I will be doing and she said sweeping the floor. My mom asked her what should I do since I have no work experience and the lady said to apply anyway. If what that lady said was that simple, don’t you think far more disabled people would be employed? Think about it, if it were that simple more disabled people would be working

Let’s take Walmart. As an example. This is just an example. They hire autistic people but what they don’t tell you is autistic employees are paid less, aren’t kept at the job any longer than 3 months, are improperly placed, hopped from department to department, do not accommodate their sensory needs, have inconsistent scheduling (if the person needs a schedule to work around drs appointments, routine tests, etc)

We need predictability because it helps us function better.

I feel companies just say they hire disabled people to cover their asses. Some of us will take longer to learn the job, need accommodations, etc.

If you’re an autistic adult and you had a hard time at Walmart or any other retail store, you can submit your story.

Now about the Target thing. I had a mini-meltdown saying ‘my mom won’t accept that I wanna work from home.’ When she told the lady she wants me to socialize. I also said ‘They don’t want me.’ Because I felt I was put in a situation where I wasn’t ready. Also, I wasn’t lying I applied and they turned me down. Also. I just wanted it to stop.

We suck at socializing. Pushing us to do something we’re bad at is not a good idea.

I want my mom to look past ‘you can stalk shelves’

• irregular schedules will confuse me
• being around loads of people a day will surely make me anxious
• being given 5 instructions at once will be difficult
• having to do the job how someone else wants me over the way that I can understand it.
• constantly being moved from department to department etc.
• Fast-paced settings
• being called to the cashier if they are understaffed.
• being called in on off days and I need those to recharge from burnout.

if just ‘stocking shelves’ was that simple, like I said, far more disabled people will be employed. My mom thinks that is all I will do is just stock shelves. Retail tends to switch what you’re doing around.

I made the call back in 2018 to work from home. You will see more about that soon. I was thinking about becoming a freelance writer.

I feel my mom agreed with my psych until I started that useless job program when Sally (what I call the lady) refused to believe I am autistic and refused to understand why I need a certain job.

our reality is not “being negative.” Our reality are not an excuse. We cannot work due to our disabilities or keep a job due to our disabilities. If anything, the employers are the ones making excuses because nothing is stopping them from granting accommodation so the job can get done.

I think even if I didn’t have anxiety, it will be close to impossible to even get an interview if employers see the only thing I did (helping out at a Jazz Band fest for the band) was back in 2011, 2012, and 2013. A  gap that large would surely make employers think twice. Employers look at recent employment. They won’t count something that far back. Employment gaps shouldn’t be a judgment. Maybe the person wanted school to be their priority.  Maybe they needed to care for a sick family member or a sick child etc. Maybe they are a military family and at times it was difficult getting an interview.

I wouldn’t be able to get hired even if I didn’t have a mental illness. The only difference is I would not be able to file for disability.

Most if not all jobs, hop your schedule around. Which would make me lose the benefits I would have gotten with disability. You can work while collecting disability HOWEVER, they cap how many hours you can work, its easy to go past that since they change your schedule, make you stay late and call you in on your off days which will put you over their 20 hours.

Nowadays by the time you hit your 20s, it’s nearly impossible to get a job due to little/no experience. It all depends on the employers in your area. We need to accept that the job market is not the same now as it was 10 years ago.

I hate how boomers look down on and call unemployed millennials lazy when places nowadays places require 2 years of experience. Boomers don’t understand the job market changed since they grew up. Just because a place is hiring doesn’t mean they are taking in everyone who sends in a resume. I saw someone say they can evade PP lones or something if they pretend like they are hiring. I want to note I cannot promise the information is correct. I can’t object without proof that they are lying.

And there is no contact with the teachers I had for Concert Band. They both left that school. They left after I advanced to the next grade. They would have no memory of what I did at this point. The potential employer would call them for a reference.

I would have to put their name and number down on the application/my resume which is no longer available.

Working from home, I can always work around things that happen vs a normal job. If I have a doctor’s appointment, I can work around those working from home. On a regular job, I’ll have to call off if the doctor had nothing open on my off days. Retail is unpredictable. They change your schedule a lot. Let’s say I thought I would have that day off, they change it on me, etc. That will be too overwhelming to keep moving appointments or fighting for the day off. Also some clinics can drop you as a patient if you cancel too many times.

I get a lot of headaches when the weather changes. I can call it a day and lie down working from home. I suppose my mom thinks I can walk off the job and lay down in the car if I get a bad headache on a regular job. I tried to explain the benefits I’d have working from home in this case. She thinks it is as simple as waiting for the break. I cannot function in distress. Disabled folks should not be held to the same standards as non-disabled/non-chronically ill persons.

I can work whenever as long as the clients get their articles on time. Or if they are willing to accept possible delays.  That is if they come to me in plenty of time before the deadline. I always suggest that in case you want revisions.

My mom likes to throw in my face how I am not a kid anymore and need to make my own choices but wouldn’t support this one.  I want my limitations and hurdles to be respected, not brushed off. Not disregarded.

I am implying how hard I had it being around folks that don’t understand autism and our sensory needs.

Interviews make me terribly anxious. The interviewer can mistake it for me being on drugs. You read that right. Remember the stigma that surrounds autism and mental illness. This is why some autistic people may have bad encounters with cops because the cop will mistake their anxiety for being on drugs. If you are a trained law officer, you should separate high on drugs from anxiety. You can’t expect people to not have some anxiety when you pull them over.

If I want to be a Freelance Writer, I can simply e-mail clients. No interviews. They can actually see my work. If they reject it they simply don’t see eye to eye with my style. Jobs don’t even give you a chance or you don’t get to show your qualities before they reject you.

I personally feel showing your qualities should judge if you are right for the job instead of a piece of paper and interviews.

I am terrible at answering questions but that should not be a judgment on my work ethic.

Someone can suck at interviews but be the best asset to your company.

Someone can suck at interviews but be the best worker you ever had.

The difference between YouTube and a ‘real’ job I can block the trolls and haters. I can’t block people in real life. I can tell them off with no consequences. Well, they’ll run and report me on Tiktok, not if I block them before they can run to their mom and dad because they can’t take what they dish.

I can set my own schedule and adjust accordingly. Scheduling is an issue for students with jobs; the employer can schedule them when they have class or after-school clubs/sports.

Because of my need for doctor’s appointments, this is why I chose to work from home. Employers don’t allot enough sick days and even if they did I can’t use them all for appointments.

Another thing ‘at will’ laws where they can fire you for no reason. Literally. Another reason to work from home. If you’re fired like that. You’re on the verge of homelessness and that jerk who fired you just lined his bank account with more money. At-will laws render the ADA useless.

You have control over your website.   Let’s pretend I had ads on my channel on YouTube. If my channel gets demonetized I can go on Twitter and say ‘Hey this happened to my channel, you can still purchase my services via my website/blog.’

If I lose a regular job there is no telling when/if I will find another. NOTHING is peaches and cream. No job is safe, Just like YouTube can delete your channel at any time, your boss can fire you whenever they want.

My mom was more concerned about what she wanted than my mental health.

I don’t want to seem like I am blaming her but how can you be a team if the other person’s head isn’t in the game? I see us as a team. I don’t see a team if she cannot come to an agreement with my working from home. I also want to aim at something I know I have a future in vs a job that could be gone years from now. I want a job I have a chance of keeping for a long time while my mom wanted me to get a job I have a slim chance of being able to keep.

Conclusion- AN anxiety brain does a lot to you. Because she would not let retail go, I was given the impression that she would not support my work from home just because I won’t be talking face-to-face. If a client approaches me I will talk to them via e-mail. Face-to-face isn’t the only way to socialize. Sometimes I hate socializing because my ways are always misread by the other party. In one of my blog posts, I explained how I sometimes had trouble getting my mom to respect my challenges in the past. To me, I was merely venting. To someone else, I was helpless and holding my mom accountable. To be fair they were making judgments when they don’t know what happens beyond what I wrote in the blog post. The point is, they got a different impression than what I intended to give.

I can barely handle being in large crowds for 10 min how can you expect me to work at a place for 4/5 hours? The difference is buying food I only have to do it every 2 weeks and I can pick when I need to go. On a job, I would be going almost every day and I will have zero control over when I come in.

I chose working from home because it’s better for my mental health, it’s flexible,, I can work around my frequent headaches and appointments, etc.

I am doing what’s best for me. Only I am in my head. I want to do something positive for myself. Blogging about autism, and fighting against the poor treatment autistics get is a positive change for the community.

I just want my mom to understand that if just telling them i need time off for appointments, telling them I need the job modified then far more disabled people will be employed

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